"If I Could"

To Those already back in school, going into a new school, back in school for the 1st time in years...and even those of you, who jacked up in school last term, but are still hanging on a string. I am dedicating this to my four superstars, all at different points in their academic pursuits, but I mean this from my heart, to every last one of you, who I truly admire for what you are doing...Enjoy.

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-->Sooo you messed up? You are not the 1st or the last. It's not about "What you did", its about "what you are GOING to DO". Don't just say "I'ma do better". or even "I got this". MAKE A DETAILED PLAN of HOW you plan to Get It Right. "Write The Vision, Make it Plain"...seriously write it down where you see it.

("I would protect U from the sadness in your eyes")

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-->You are COURAGEOUS, even if you don't see it, I do. You WILL do better than you imagined because your not as young as you were. You don't have to "get your party on"...you are FOCUSED, and your children...your spouse...yeah they may whine because you aren't always at their beck-n-call, but they will be the loudest as you walk across that stage~

(Give U Courage in a world of compromise)

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***You won't know everything...thats why you are here. Stop stressing because of that fact & LEARN.

(I would teach U all the things I never Learned)

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Be honest with yourself. If U waited till the week of the test, U didn't do all that U could do...Admit it. Don't say U couldn't grasp it, when U know U didn't even start looking at it till 1 a.m....U were TIRED. Stop lying to yourself to make it better in your mind...it doesn't work.

(I'd Help U Cross the Bridges That I Burned)

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Work Hard, So U Can Play Hard...We Do What We HAVE 2 Do So That We Can Do What We WANT 2 Do...Remember that order, and HAVE some fun with this school thing...Even if your doing this later in life...THIS is that stuff we reminisce about...make it memorable babies~

(I would try to shield your Innocence from time)

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-->Your loved ones feel when U are messing up, so instead of hiding it, ask for help. "U have not, because U ask not". As someone who loves U, we know when to help you & when we need to let U learn to swim... & even then we'll yell out the strokes~

(But the part of life I gave U isn't mines. I'll watch U grow, so I can Let U Go)

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***$$$ may be tight in school, but U are NOT "Broke"- U are just without the necessary funds 2 do some things, & this lack is a short term investment on a long term goal. Struggle now=Livin the Glamorus Life Later///Hang In There~

(I'd help U Through The Hungry Years)

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It won't always be easy babies...but nothing GOOD ever Comes for Free.GRIND!

(But I know I could never cry your tears)

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Don't be so quick 2 Listen to everyone's horror stories. Just because they can't write, doesn't mean U won't ace English. Your parents inability to pass algebra is NOT a generational curse. This is YOUR Walk. Use Your Resources & TRUST YOUR OWN BRAIN...it got U to this point! ~So U Hate a class? knock it out the park so U don't ever have 2 take it again!

(In a time & place where U don't want to be, U don't have to walk along this road with me, My yesterday won't have 2 be your way)

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-->You Have A Voice in your education. Contrary 2 popular belief, even a PhD can be wrong- but if U just sit, tight-lipped, U lose. U have the Right 2 question, just know when it's appropiate. In class, sometimes it looks like your fronting your teacher off, when you question them... BUT sitting in an office? Writing a well thought-out (not emotional) email? Researching your argument...well babies, thats what we do here in America. The school system, like the judicial system, is flawed, but the voices of many have changed a world...and your voice is included.

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~~~If I knew, I'd Try 2 Change this World I Brought U 2, Now There Isn't Much More That I can Do...............But I Would....If I Could~~~

(Here Is The Song That Inspired This--> http://youtu.be/ZfkofPT3usI )

"STUDY 2 Show Yourself Approved"

GRIND TIME...It'll be over Before You Know It!!

THIS WILL SOON BE YOU...Doesn't that Put a Little Grin On Your Face?!

Do All That You Know To Do This Year...Live, Laugh, & LEARN...Good Luck...I'll Be Prayin 4U~

& You Say She's Just A Friend"

Ever wonder what makes a woman hate another woman? I’m sure there are various reasons, but one will be my focus…It’s the idea that “I have his body, but she still has his mind”.

Think about it, what in the world would make a woman take back a man that she knows has been in some other woman’s bed? Simple…He still gets into HER head, and consequently she still BELIEVE’S that she is in HIS head. Contrary to popular belief, the mighty phallus still takes a back seat to mind-sex in the Hearts of women…

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a AWESOME drug...but unfortunately it doesn’t dull the pain of knowing that, as soon as he gets out of bed, his mental attention is given to someone else.

It’s ironically funny that SOME men still think, “as long as I’m only “doin” you, you should be kool” when doggone near every argument he has with that woman will include…

“Why won’t you TALK to me?”
“Why do you still TALK to her, when I am here for you?”
“I thought you were over her?”
“Does she know we are together? Then why is she still texting/calling/emailing you?”
“How come she can still make you that mad/happy/animated?”

Note every instance basically states the same thing…Why am I not enough woman for you? Why do you still need/desire Her attention…That thought is enough to make a woman detest another….funny….it’s rarely about the sex in HER mind…it’s about mental infidelity.

I don’t know if mental infidelity has already been coined, but this is my blog, so today its mines

As a woman I’d like to think I’m relatively humble, but honestly I have some idea of my worth, and think I’m worth Whole Love. Remember that song by the group Guy…”You can have a piece of my Love”? The entire notion that this woman would never actually get “ALL” of this man became a hit, I think, because that is the goal of SOME men, & The primary fear of Some women Sharing a man, with someone other than his family, especially his mind, is a blow to both the ego & the heart, because it ultimately states that certain areas of him are not accessible to her, but to someone who thinks she knows my man better than I. If mental infidelity wasn’t an issue, you wouldn’t find women in divorce court over their man’s internet fantasies.

Flipping the script….As women we have needs, just like men. Yes physical intimacy is one, but let’s talk about the others….

Some Women Desire to be Heard- Introverts & extraverts alike need someone who will LISTEN, & truly HEAR them. Even when we have the best female friends, there is something so INTIMATE about having a MAN hear you out, & share his thoughts on your situation. For some, like myself, this is an attribute of a “good man”.
Some Women Desire to be Needed- Never confuse this with wanting a “needy” man. This is a totally different layer. One of those INTIMATE relationships I treasure is the one where he doesn’t hesitate to talk to me about HIS mom…his child(ren)…his siblings…His Job…are you hearing me? Brothers, if you share your world with her, trust she is appreciative, because we recognize that as you TRUSTING us…we know y’all don’t “tell all your bidnezz”….to know that “your secrets are safe with me & that my secrets are safe with you….
Some Women Need A “Safety Zone”- Let me speak on behalf of one of the most Misunderstood group in American history; the Single, Educated, Working Black Woman. While I can’t even stereotype “us”, I can say that there are SOME who do “what they HAVE to do”…but sincerely appreciate knowing that “I can run to him” when I NEED to…honestly, I don’t always “need” you, but when I do, there is no denying…yes, sometimes as STRONG as I Appear to be…I need you.
He Makes Me Laugh- Somebody gonna keep it real with me here? I was once told by a man the following…”If I can make her earnestly laugh…not the little giggle…but a Real laugh…I’m 85% in the door.” See, if he makes me laugh, he can make me smile…even when he’s not there…This isn’t just a infactuative (I made that word up) trait…it is a key result of him KNOWING who I am…so he knows what to say.
He consults me- This two-fold thing is precious to some women because he both helps you decide what you want to do, by thinking things through with you…and he mulls over his own decisions with you….so he guides AND allows you to assistance in his own guidance??? Is THAT sexy or WHAT?!

So let’s stop & assess

ü He Listens to ME.

ü He Needs me (or at least I think he does)

ü He TALKS to me/ I know his secrets

ü I can go to him

ü He makes me laugh

ü He is both a “counselor” & seeks counsel.

If I am getting ALL of this from YOUR man…would you appreciate MY role in HIS life?

Probably not.

Even if I am Not physically intimate with him, he is giving me what I need from a man…maybe it’s just me, but I’m not wanting to share THAT part of MY man with any woman other than his momma/sister…and shoot, even that’s debatable.

To my brotha’s, please understand that if you are giving“HER” all of THAT in your “friendship”, she probably, in the back of her head, would drop whomever she is with to be with you…she adores you…may never tell you…but you have a part of her heart that would make Her man wary of you. Oh I know all y’all “but she’s/he’s just my best friend negroes are gonna try to fight me on this one….butC’MON SONN…You know why you don’t minimize that person in your life…no matter what your present mate says…will actually argue over it…because THAT person loves you on Some level…and you know it.

And let me address those other ones too…you know y’all who will say…”I’ve be straight with him/her. They know the deal…I never lead them on” ……I need for you all to go back to the assessment above, & tell me the difference between what you are giving “the friend” that differs from what “the significant other” wants? Sex?

See the 1st paragraph.

Please let me be clear, I want my man to have a female friend, but if she doesn’t “reach out” to me at some point, when she knows I am his…I don’t trust her intentions…because I, too, am a woman. If he is beyond “just dating” me & still seeks her out on the regular (or lets her come to him—When will the bruh’s figure out how to check their lil buddies? It will save a lotta drama between your woman & you)…Houston, There IS a problem.

#ImJusSayin

Not sure I could play 2nd to your BFF...

"Does Your Friend UNDERSTAND that that's what she is??"

"Cheating is about MORE that sex"

"Who's Winnin right here?"

Whew...is it really worth all this?

Accentuate the Positive

I'm feelin reflective, so this is one of those blogs that is "freestyle" in nature...bear with me...those that Love me already do, so you might as well too! (smile)

When did it become so "in" to continually acknowledge our "haters"?

Have we come to that place in our culture where talking about the negative is more interesting than seeking out the positive? I was looking at a few statuses, pages, and tweets over the course of these last days, as a way to unwind, because admittedly I've been under a little pressure...to be real, sometimes I "look" to you all virtually, to get a little laugh, a little encouragement (hey some of you faithfully bring the WORD through your FB- much respect), or even just to peak my interest when I need to change my focus.

When the positivity and/or the comedy is flowing out there, it really does help me to "get back on my feet" or remember that it is GOD & Not Me who is in charge...but some days, I gotta tell ya, some of y'all make a sistah wanna throw in the towel with all the "FML's", cussin folks out, and shout-outs to the hataz"....not that you have ANY obligation to amuse or uplift me...thats not my point....but rather, I just keep wondering if all of "that" is helping YOU in anyway...or if it is just a cry out for help?

I read an article as I was preparing for a workshop that stressed to employers to stop putting all of their energy into the "bad" employee, instead focusing their efforts towards the empowering of the "good" worker...more acknowledgment of those that DO the work, and follow the rules, thinking that would bring about a better work environment, and coerce the lazy one to either shape up or ship out. In that same token, why can't we, as people focus on the ones who love us, support those who support us, and "speak life" in our daily conversations to create a better environment to live in?

I think we'd all feel better.

Even as I write that, I feel compelled to speak to the "haters" and their fans on a other issue, that I thnk needs to be addressed so that we truly move forward....You know another character type that simply baffles me is the one where EVERYthing can be turned into a conversation about YOU (Tupac wrote a song about you..."it's all about you"...LOL).

But seriously....how is it that I can be talking about the way they raise rice in China, and all of a sudden we're talking about how much you hate rice & your momma made you eat rice...and how wrong you were done (it always goes back to how YOU were done wrong)....or if we're not talking about YOU being wronged/disrespected/hated on, then we're talking about all YOU'VE done, or how gifted YOU are...have not you ever heard that the best compliments about YOU come from someplace other than YOUR own Mouth?

I think I'm putting this is open space because I actually want YOU to know that some of US would LOVE to give you your "just due" ----We want to congratualte, acknowledge, ect....but you never give anyone the chance to because your always doing it for us...its funny because I bet YOU think this Blog is about You...Don't you...don't you?! (HA!!)

Can I say something else? (Of course you can Valerie, its your blog!! HA!)

Don't be so quick to believe "He say/She say".

Haven't we all realized that some people thrive on the misfortune of others...or better yet..."they" truly enjoy creating havoc in the lives of others (Why yes Virginia they want to mess up your world. Why? Because they are usually miserable little people themselves who resent your happiness.) Before you say, "Val I thought you just said not to acknowledge them!!?", let me strengthen the thought...ITS NOT ABOUT THEM...ITS ABOUT YOU LISTENING TO THEM!! There....now let us move on. Listening to people who mean you no good is not good for your soul, your morale, or your confidence...The next time "they" come to you with some conversation, ask them this...

"IS WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY TO ME GOING TO BUILD ME UP, OR MAKE ME SMILE?"...If they hesitate...STOP the conversation!! You can even tell em "If it ain't POSITIVE, I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT"....if you don't have the heart, tell em Mz. Val said so...have em call me...you know "I Ain't Neva Scurred" (Giggle)

Ultimately what I am saying to each of you is to STOP LETTING MERE HUMANS AFFECT YOUR FUENG SHEI!! BRING POSITIVIETY, AND ONLY ALLOW POSITIVITY INTO YOUR ZONE...

"Constructive critisim" is one thing, because it is SAID in LOVE, with PURPOSE to BUILD YOU UP, and is typically paired with a SOLUTION meant to MAKE YOU BETTER...

If you are one who BRINGS POSITIVITY....You Deserve To Grow in A nuturing environment, filled with people who find joy in seeing YOU Happy.

Allow Men to see your Good Work & Glorify your Father because they see what HE can do THROUGH you...don't be your own cheerleader...let others do that for you~

If you are one who helps others, you DESERVE a strong support system.

If you are one who LOVES HARD...LORD KNOWS YOU DESERVE One who Loves you back with EQUAL INTENSITY!

If you bring something to the table, so should everyone else who is in your zone...ya heard me?!

"Able To Love You, Because I Love Him...and He Loves Me"

Toodles Lovely Ones,

Mz.V

POSITIVE PEOPLE ATTRACT THE SAME...WHAT VIBE DO YOU SEND OUT?

IF U REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE, REMEMBER THIS~

YOU SPEWING DRAMA? STAY THEE AWAY FROM V!! (hee hee)

THIS ONE IS ALL ABOUT YOU~

Is ANYBODY BLACK & PROUD Anymore???!

Day 25 of Black History...Did you learn anything about Black Folk that you didn't already know? Are you still wondering Why we still have a need to celebrate the achievements of African Americans?

(I know some of you are)

I've been thinking about "US" as a people all month long....even moreso, because I realize that we are at a point where this month will still be overlooked by some...many of which are African American...because they still don't understand the importance of knowing one's history, and how that deeply impacts who you are & will become.

I talked with some ISU scholars recently & asked them to tell me about the person or people in their families that the family is "proud of"....roughly 43 students in the room, and I got about 4 answers...

One had a grandfather who was the 1st black man to own his own property in his area, one who's mother fought in a major battle in her country, another had a mother who worked her way up through a radio station to become an executive from a menial position, and a couple more...but then my answers fizzled out....Because they didn't know.

I asked how many attended their family reunions...hands shot up all over the room...but no one could tell me what made THEIR family "special" historically, save one young person who mentioned that all of their family history was put into a book & given out at the reunion. It's part of what has me up at 4:30 this morning, because it deeply troubles me that so many college students did not know the achievements of their families...now had I asked them who the crack users, or jail bound members of their families were, we'da talked all afternoon, but they didnt know their HISTORY...

And it is our fault.

A few weeks back one of my children gave me a scare, & became my 1st child to spend more than a couple of hours in a hospital. What I found out through this event, was that my family carries the trait for a disease called Thallesemia...not life threatening for my child, but could be for my grandchild-to-be should this child procreate with another with this trait...just like 2 people with Sickle-cell trait..which I already knew we had...

Ironicially enough I didn't know I had sickle cell trait until I was well into my pregnancy with my oldest...

~There is my point people~ WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT OUR FAMILY TO FAMILY...Not just the bad incident...but the GREAT stuff...not just the negative...but the important health history...the achivements....Things that make us understand who we REALLY are.

In the Bible it speaks of seeking the WISDOM of the Elders.
In Slavery Times it was the STORIES Told about the "motherland" that gave slaves strength to live another day
In Africa, in the days before slavery, it was the STORIES that gave us our history

In American textbooks our history is regulated to a few pages....How can we blame our children for not knowing who we are if WE have never told them...because the school system sure isn't. Sure they may luck-up and get a teacher who feels they should know more than who made the stoplight, Martin, & Rosa, but chances are...

And then there is OUR history...We have family members who have made a difference in this world...We have veterans who fought so that WE wouldn't have to...we have educators...athletes....freedom fighters....singers...outright Unsung Heros & Shero's, but our babies dont know because What?!

Have we misunderstood the concept of humbleness & don't wanna seem prideful?

Have we gotten so caught up chasin' dollars that we simply don't have the TIME to tell our children?

Our we so dissapointed in the state of our young people that we have given up?

Have we forgotten that those stories of greatness build a foundation under our feet, to STRENGTHEN us...Family PRIDE is A BEAUTIFUL THING....so why have we stopped giving it to our children?

So 25 days later I ask you if you might possibly understand why we NEED A Black History Month?

I Do.

Our Failure to Give Oral History to our Students makes the deaths of so many slaves in vain.

Note the babygirl...The ONLY memory of her father had to be given to her through words from her mother

My babygirl telling Her grandchildren about Her GRandmother taking her to art exhibits, plays, movies, And chaperoning trips will be those historical moments that make my grandbabies think that is what is SUPPOSED to happen!

TOUCH

N

Thursday, December 30, 2010 at 4:02am

" It's the sense of touch… I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash (2004)

A lot of people out here who live among us, but feel as if they are completely ALONE. Im not talking about the homeless brotha you passed downtown. I'm talking about some of you, who live to work...those who smile when they are dying on the inside...those who live "double lives" because they feel that they can't tell anyone who they REALLY are or whats REALLY going on in their lives...its not that they don't want to talk....They DO want to release...but fear not being heard.

We have more access to one another than ever before in history, yet we spend more time than ever before mentally alone

This isn’t a “soapbox”…it’s a plea. It worries me that we have become so reliant on texting, email, facebook & Twitter to speak FOR us, that we have forgotten how to interact with one another as friends and family. I know its affected the level of professionalism in engagement among college students….shoot, some of you are incapable of carrying a 5 minute conversation & that’s downright scary. But, bigger than that, we are at a place in society, where we don’t even know the people bound to us by blood…

We have family all over this country and don’t know a thing about em…and its not like we are being held by the slave master anymore….oh but we are enslaved…now its all about how “busy” we are…but I bet we’ll find that time to make it to yet another funeral of a family member that we should have made time for while they were here.

Recently we packed my GranAnna's belongings to move & I ran into many treasures, but the most significant ones were the letters of a 1st grade Diana talking to her mother about being good from now on...that was my mom & the words of a young girl worried about her 1st day of college, written on that 1st day, back in the fall of 1984...that was me.

The mothers of MY generation won't have those treasures...

The actual print from our children’s hands....some of us are blessed that our children are gifted, and actually put pen to paper....see I have 4 poets in my life, so I hear their Truth that you all will never know, in their written thoughts...from the youngest to the oldest...their emotions...the issues that matter most to them....I have record...but will you?

Last night I posted an old Teena Marie song called "Dear Lover". In this song, just like Aaliyah's, she talking to her significant other, using HER own words & thoughts, in written word form...not the words of a card creator, or the few sentences that fit into a text message, but a letter that had been written by hand, stamped & mailed to someone simply because they mattered enough to buy & stamp & drop in a box…it is a form of touch.

When was the last time you wrote a letter?

And What about your friends?

Where family is “circumstantial” in that you can’t choose who your related to, FRIENDS are mutually chosen and I think can become family in every sense of the word…if those friendships are properly maintained. “So Whacha Sayin Val?”

I’m saying that friendships are taken for granted all the time….Lopsided friendships, where he or she is listening to you, but you don’t even know that persons background…If you are not SHOWING that you appreciate that bond, trust that it will surely disappear over time….We all tend to talk a good game but perception is reality all day baby, and if I FEEL like you ain’t treating me right…your not.

Do you Really Listen to your friends, or is 85% of y'all friendship them listening to you?

Look people are getting snatched out of here when we least expect it and too many are saying “I never got a chance to tell you” in response…My pastor used to say “Give em their flowers while they can still smell them”…I think that’s what I’m trying to say. I get that all of us are not “touchy-feely. Touching one another on a mental or emotional level has more to do with “treating me like I WANNA Be treated”…not how you’d prefer to be treated…might not match up…but see the key? You’d have to know who I am to know how I wanna be treated..think about it. You gotta talk to me to know me…See my facial reaction…hear my voice inflection… know WHAT matters to me…and act on that.

This was supposed to be a good old end of year Blog, but this has been heavy on my mind…Call your people more...TALK...Lets work to Love Each other more as an action phrase in 2011…Remember fam…”We All We Got”.