TOUCH

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Thursday, December 30, 2010 at 4:02am

" It's the sense of touch… I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash (2004)

A lot of people out here who live among us, but feel as if they are completely ALONE. Im not talking about the homeless brotha you passed downtown. I'm talking about some of you, who live to work...those who smile when they are dying on the inside...those who live "double lives" because they feel that they can't tell anyone who they REALLY are or whats REALLY going on in their lives...its not that they don't want to talk....They DO want to release...but fear not being heard.

We have more access to one another than ever before in history, yet we spend more time than ever before mentally alone

This isn’t a “soapbox”…it’s a plea. It worries me that we have become so reliant on texting, email, facebook & Twitter to speak FOR us, that we have forgotten how to interact with one another as friends and family. I know its affected the level of professionalism in engagement among college students….shoot, some of you are incapable of carrying a 5 minute conversation & that’s downright scary. But, bigger than that, we are at a place in society, where we don’t even know the people bound to us by blood…

We have family all over this country and don’t know a thing about em…and its not like we are being held by the slave master anymore….oh but we are enslaved…now its all about how “busy” we are…but I bet we’ll find that time to make it to yet another funeral of a family member that we should have made time for while they were here.

Recently we packed my GranAnna's belongings to move & I ran into many treasures, but the most significant ones were the letters of a 1st grade Diana talking to her mother about being good from now on...that was my mom & the words of a young girl worried about her 1st day of college, written on that 1st day, back in the fall of 1984...that was me.

The mothers of MY generation won't have those treasures...

The actual print from our children’s hands....some of us are blessed that our children are gifted, and actually put pen to paper....see I have 4 poets in my life, so I hear their Truth that you all will never know, in their written thoughts...from the youngest to the oldest...their emotions...the issues that matter most to them....I have record...but will you?

Last night I posted an old Teena Marie song called "Dear Lover". In this song, just like Aaliyah's, she talking to her significant other, using HER own words & thoughts, in written word form...not the words of a card creator, or the few sentences that fit into a text message, but a letter that had been written by hand, stamped & mailed to someone simply because they mattered enough to buy & stamp & drop in a box…it is a form of touch.

When was the last time you wrote a letter?

And What about your friends?

Where family is “circumstantial” in that you can’t choose who your related to, FRIENDS are mutually chosen and I think can become family in every sense of the word…if those friendships are properly maintained. “So Whacha Sayin Val?”

I’m saying that friendships are taken for granted all the time….Lopsided friendships, where he or she is listening to you, but you don’t even know that persons background…If you are not SHOWING that you appreciate that bond, trust that it will surely disappear over time….We all tend to talk a good game but perception is reality all day baby, and if I FEEL like you ain’t treating me right…your not.

Do you Really Listen to your friends, or is 85% of y'all friendship them listening to you?

Look people are getting snatched out of here when we least expect it and too many are saying “I never got a chance to tell you” in response…My pastor used to say “Give em their flowers while they can still smell them”…I think that’s what I’m trying to say. I get that all of us are not “touchy-feely. Touching one another on a mental or emotional level has more to do with “treating me like I WANNA Be treated”…not how you’d prefer to be treated…might not match up…but see the key? You’d have to know who I am to know how I wanna be treated..think about it. You gotta talk to me to know me…See my facial reaction…hear my voice inflection… know WHAT matters to me…and act on that.

This was supposed to be a good old end of year Blog, but this has been heavy on my mind…Call your people more...TALK...Lets work to Love Each other more as an action phrase in 2011…Remember fam…”We All We Got”.

Your Voice is sometimes all your loved ones need to hear

Sistah-Girl Love is So Much More Than A Text

How can you Save Me If you Dont know that I Cant Swim?

Reunions & Funerals Cannot be the only time we Show Love Fam...seriously~

Nitethought: I've Come To Suck Your Blood~

It's one of those nights when the silence is deafening, so I'm going to type out loud to drown out the inner noise...

We all have that one friend/family member that causes us to question our own sanity. You know the one who makes us wonder "Why do I keep allowing this person into my mental?" How is it that we KNOW that this person is Exactly who we know they are, yet we keep hoping beyond hope that this person doesn't mean to be this way...that this person isn't intentionally hurting YOU because they KNOW you'd never "do" them...yet are not surprised when they play you....yet again.

The incessant draw towards this individual could not be naivety, because that would suggest that we did not know certain truths. Even if we were to label it "LOVE", it would be a LIE...because a Love that would intentionally hurt ourselves, is a skewed version...not the Love that we seek. To believe that we HAVE to HURT for the sake of Love is a farce...and to repeatedly allow someone to hurt us, in the name of love, is totally against every precept of Love.

Should we call it LOYALTY? Probably not. Loyalty should be a two-way street, and these types of individuals are often identified by their ability to suck the life out of you...yet give not a drop of blood back...then make YOU feel guilty for mentioning that you thirst.

You stay supportive of their dreams. You are right there every time they fall, to help them back up. Any self doubt they have, you make it your mission to eradicate...but ask them to show up to support you? Find out how many lame #$$ excuses they can come up with in 60 seconds or less.

But we stick in there.......We Keep Coming Back.

W-H-Y?

At Some point these mean-spirited people need to be removed from our lives. Not because we stop caring about them, but because they care not about us. Oh sure they say they do...might even say they love you...might even be related to you...but you fail to recognize that the person most important to them is that one they find in their own mirror...and truthfully they do NOT feel bad about it. They DON'T KNOW HOW...don't fool yourself into believing that you are the only one either, because you are part of a long line of people they routinely devastate.

Think about that family member, who owes the whole family---who goes on & on about how people treat them. Think about that man who seems to blame every ex for what went wrong, yet the only thing these women have in common is falling for HIM?

Be Clear....A Leech is supposed to suck blood. They don't see anything wrong with sucking blood...its Food for them. In the same token, an EMOTIONAL LEECH sucks from your heart, meaning they KNOW you care...they just don't think they have to return that love...shoot, Everybody loves them in their mind!

SO....What Do We Do?

1) We Keep them at arms-length, which in the beginning is completely away. We tend to be weak where this person is concerned. This person knows your soft spot...don't you get it? So you have to step away until you can steady yourself in his or her presence. No, this isn't easy, but IS necessary if you don't want to remain in a lop-sided relationship.

2) We don't engage in lengthy conversations. This is where their vampire-like beauty lulls us into the trance that gets us GOT again. Next thing you know, your loaning money to the fiend...your in bed with a person you know can't be faithful....your listening to the problems of a person who won't answer your call when your stranded....Are you hearing me yet?

3) We create our mental "list of demands" that deal in reciprocity, and refuse anything less with that person. Look I know you have love for this person, else you wouldn't have read this far, and maybe, just maybe, they have a repressed gene that, if jogged the right way, will rise to the surface & kick in for fear of losing you in their lives....highly unlikely, but many movies have made millions that say its possible.

If you read my Blogs/Notes, then you know I've revisited this issue in different ways...friendships...relationships...kinship's....but find myself having to readdress it. Not just for each of you, who wear their hearts on their sleeves....not even just for those who value family like they value life...but for myself. People like these can easily make one become jaded & mistrusting of all....and I do not want to become that woman, because I do believe that GOOD & Honest people exist, but I honestly loathe game-players, & shady people who take my kindness for weakness...or take my love for granted (ooh, I feel a song comin' on- Que one of those Tyler Perry singers!!)--- I CHOSE to care about you, so I won't blame the world for that, but I will be just as intentional about removing you from my world to save self....Believe that.

Nite Fam~

Stop Allowing Yourself To Be The Host for a Leech~

Beautiful But Deadly. Don't allow them the drain your optimism.

Learning to slice them out of my life...are you?

Don't Talk...Do.

Tonight is not about "research" or "political correctness"...I'm just talking to the fam.

I volunteer....especially if it helps young ones, consequently I've made my way to ALL of the community centers in the Haute, worked in North, South, & Even WEST Vigo High Schools (much Love Leadership Wabash Valley...you all broadened my horizons),and I gain as much as I give...but something that irks me. (Overly sensitive folk go look at my latest pictures or something)

I get pretty doggone tired of being either "the ONLY one" or One of Two.

I frequent a center that boast attendance of anywhere from 75 to 125 kids on average & many of them look like me. The ironically tragic side to that is that MANY of them are young "Brothers" who NEED to see POSITIVE BLACK MEN IN those centers...but if we get 3 we're praise dancing!

But I KNOW that there ARE many men of color with something to give...knowledge...advice....admonishment...But where y'all at??

Before you get all defensive, think on this...

Remember back in the day, when women like Mz. Mozene & Ms. Cheryl, Mother Nolan, Sis. Baker... would serve us breakfast in the center,have us come to their homes to learn to cook, or be out there trying to teach us, play with us, ect. Yes, we were grateful...BUT whenONE Black man would come into the place & work with us, how both the girls And boys would flock to him...listen to HIM...and give him a LEVEL of RESPECT that us sisters don't get, even though we are "respected"...A level that not even those who run all those centers for OUR kids get.

Now this is not to take from those who DO for others, seeking nothing in return, regardless of color, caste, or intellect...I appreciate them...but keeping it real, it BOTHERS me that "they" have to take care of OURS, because we are "Too Busy", "Too Self Centered", so quick to say "I Mind my own business", "I take care of my household, others should take care of theirs".

Do We Not KNOW That the kid you IGNORE in the Hood, is the one most likely to jack you or better yet, influence YOUR child/nephew/kin?...But we are so content behind our privacy fences that we don't even know who lives in our hood, do we?

Whats so "interesting" to me is that the people (you know who I'm talking about) who DO volunteer are typically some of the most notable, busiest people in the community, but when "WE" move on up like the Jeffersons our excuses become plenty.

WE talk about "staying humble" & "Remembering where we come from"....yet somehow it SEEMS as if we have to make it Ray Allen big before we are willing to "give back". (I was gonna say Kobe but I Love me some Ray...LOL)

So Lets talk about the catch phrase, "giving back."

The other day, I was asked about scholarships offered by the African American Cultural Center, so I asked & was informed me that WE have NONE?!! Hmmm, but I know MANY successful, "upper middle class" ISU Black Alum...maaaan the Black Alumni Network boast over 1300 members...who must have a computer right? Many of whom Have DEGREES (with a "S")...if all 1300+ came up off 10 bucks a Year the center would have enough funds to give away a few scholarships (with a "S")...say to the children of alum....or to children who have interest in African American Studies..whatever.

The POINT is most of us degreed, suburbanites WASTE ten bucks, and can STILL make the vacation, give to our church, organizations, ect....but will we help the Center that gave YOU refuge on a PWI?

Probably not...but I bet we will be the 1st to complain if ISU doesn't do us right next week during homecoming....things that make ya say Hmmmm....

But check This out...

My daughter was able to get a book scholarship...from "the other man" because her mom was an alum.

Oh Thats right, she could have waited on US to have yet another lame meeting to banter back and forth about trivial matters (mainly power trips) that still prevent us from coming together...Nah Boss...my kid used the scholarship well...too bad it wasn't from us.

Let me point out that I see us when we TRY to "give back".

Every once in awhile WE step to the plate with our specific organizations....but you know what?

Its not the same as YOU stepping up to the plate because someone mentored you...gave you a hand up...gave YOU the Hook up. Whether we like it or not,

There are students who have NO HELP from Home.

There are kids in these centers whose parents ARE Doing the BEST they can yet STILL NEED HELP.

There are some who have parents "who just ain't parents", & all the commentary about them needing to do right will not help those children.

That annual event your organization does, to help the needy (or photo-opt your group- lets be honest) does not put you in physical proximity to the child you needs to see Black Folk "getting the job done"...YOU...Your Presence...GIVES THE VILLAGE HOPE....ESPECIALLY when you are MALE (yes I said it)

We NEED the BROTHERS, EN MASSE out in these centers NOT just for the boys, but so the girls SEE what a GOOD MAN Looks like in action!

Think I'm trippin? Last week ISU did TWO community sevice projects...One in Chicago, the other in Indy...Now the Turner bus was filled to the Chi...so how many of US went?

3...2 sisters....1 brother. I hear that some of us were in Indy...wonder if the ratio was the same?

Sadly enough some of you will read this as Val on her soapbox....but you Miss the fact that what I'm actually doing is saying that I am PROUD of your accomplishments & think your have something of worth in your spirit...Thas why I am practically begging US to GET INVOLVED in our community...the centers...OUR Cultural Center on the regular ...Whats Regular? Try once a week, 60 minutes...

Not much huh?

Oh But it IS...because you will be giving some kids something they've Never seen... consistency...and that breeds trust.

Church folk, I know you know that taking care of the poor & the widowed is Biblically mandated...you Do know that right?

Point Blank...We NEED US to Help US. I guess I do believe in a litte Marcus Garvey theory eh...WE can Teach us, We can Feed & Clothe Our Village...Yeah...Thats What I'm On tonight....and even tho I know some of y'all are about to tie me to the stake for airing our dirty laundry, & others are going to talk about all the good they do in the community, I'm not backing down, because if I wasn't talking truth you wouldn't be ticked....Ooh Boyee!!

Final Thought: On 2nd thought, those of you, who DO make that difference in our village, SPEAK ON IT....Maybe you will spark the minds of those who have thought about it, to the point where they'll quit talkin about it and BE About It.

Alrighty Then...I'm ready...FIRE!~