What More Can I Say: & You Say She's Just A Friend"

Ever wonder what makes a woman hate another woman? I’m sure there are various reasons, but one will be my focus…It’s the idea that “I have his body, but she still has his mind”.

Think about it, what in the world would make a woman take back a man that she knows has been in some other woman’s bed? Simple…He still gets into HER head, and consequently she still BELIEVE’S that she is in HIS head. Contrary to popular belief, the mighty phallus still takes a back seat to mind-sex in the Hearts of women…

Don’t get me wrong, sex is a AWESOME drug...but unfortunately it doesn’t dull the pain of knowing that, as soon as he gets out of bed, his mental attention is given to someone else.

It’s ironically funny that SOME men still think, “as long as I’m only “doin” you, you should be kool” when doggone near every argument he has with that woman will include…

“Why won’t you TALK to me?”
“Why do you still TALK to her, when I am here for you?”
“I thought you were over her?”
“Does she know we are together? Then why is she still texting/calling/emailing you?”
“How come she can still make you that mad/happy/animated?”

Note every instance basically states the same thing…Why am I not enough woman for you? Why do you still need/desire Her attention…That thought is enough to make a woman detest another….funny….it’s rarely about the sex in HER mind…it’s about mental infidelity.

I don’t know if mental infidelity has already been coined, but this is my blog, so today its mines

As a woman I’d like to think I’m relatively humble, but honestly I have some idea of my worth, and think I’m worth Whole Love. Remember that song by the group Guy…”You can have a piece of my Love”? The entire notion that this woman would never actually get “ALL” of this man became a hit, I think, because that is the goal of SOME men, & The primary fear of Some women Sharing a man, with someone other than his family, especially his mind, is a blow to both the ego & the heart, because it ultimately states that certain areas of him are not accessible to her, but to someone who thinks she knows my man better than I. If mental infidelity wasn’t an issue, you wouldn’t find women in divorce court over their man’s internet fantasies.

Flipping the script….As women we have needs, just like men. Yes physical intimacy is one, but let’s talk about the others….

Some Women Desire to be Heard- Introverts & extraverts alike need someone who will LISTEN, & truly HEAR them. Even when we have the best female friends, there is something so INTIMATE about having a MAN hear you out, & share his thoughts on your situation. For some, like myself, this is an attribute of a “good man”.
Some Women Desire to be Needed- Never confuse this with wanting a “needy” man. This is a totally different layer. One of those INTIMATE relationships I treasure is the one where he doesn’t hesitate to talk to me about HIS mom…his child(ren)…his siblings…His Job…are you hearing me? Brothers, if you share your world with her, trust she is appreciative, because we recognize that as you TRUSTING us…we know y’all don’t “tell all your bidnezz”….to know that “your secrets are safe with me & that my secrets are safe with you….
Some Women Need A “Safety Zone”- Let me speak on behalf of one of the most Misunderstood group in American history; the Single, Educated, Working Black Woman. While I can’t even stereotype “us”, I can say that there are SOME who do “what they HAVE to do”…but sincerely appreciate knowing that “I can run to him” when I NEED to…honestly, I don’t always “need” you, but when I do, there is no denying…yes, sometimes as STRONG as I Appear to be…I need you.
He Makes Me Laugh- Somebody gonna keep it real with me here? I was once told by a man the following…”If I can make her earnestly laugh…not the little giggle…but a Real laugh…I’m 85% in the door.” See, if he makes me laugh, he can make me smile…even when he’s not there…This isn’t just a infactuative (I made that word up) trait…it is a key result of him KNOWING who I am…so he knows what to say.
He consults me- This two-fold thing is precious to some women because he both helps you decide what you want to do, by thinking things through with you…and he mulls over his own decisions with you….so he guides AND allows you to assistance in his own guidance??? Is THAT sexy or WHAT?!

So let’s stop & assess

ü He Listens to ME.

ü He Needs me (or at least I think he does)

ü He TALKS to me/ I know his secrets

ü I can go to him

ü He makes me laugh

ü He is both a “counselor” & seeks counsel.

If I am getting ALL of this from YOUR man…would you appreciate MY role in HIS life?

Probably not.

Even if I am Not physically intimate with him, he is giving me what I need from a man…maybe it’s just me, but I’m not wanting to share THAT part of MY man with any woman other than his momma/sister…and shoot, even that’s debatable.

To my brotha’s, please understand that if you are giving“HER” all of THAT in your “friendship”, she probably, in the back of her head, would drop whomever she is with to be with you…she adores you…may never tell you…but you have a part of her heart that would make Her man wary of you. Oh I know all y’all “but she’s/he’s just my best friend negroes are gonna try to fight me on this one….butC’MON SONN…You know why you don’t minimize that person in your life…no matter what your present mate says…will actually argue over it…because THAT person loves you on Some level…and you know it.

And let me address those other ones too…you know y’all who will say…”I’ve be straight with him/her. They know the deal…I never lead them on” ……I need for you all to go back to the assessment above, & tell me the difference between what you are giving “the friend” that differs from what “the significant other” wants? Sex?

See the 1st paragraph.

Please let me be clear, I want my man to have a female friend, but if she doesn’t “reach out” to me at some point, when she knows I am his…I don’t trust her intentions…because I, too, am a woman. If he is beyond “just dating” me & still seeks her out on the regular (or lets her come to him—When will the bruh’s figure out how to check their lil buddies? It will save a lotta drama between your woman & you)…Houston, There IS a problem.

#ImJusSayin